“The physical or material, that which is, is constantly and unpredictably changing: it is chaotic. This chaos twines around death. For it is death that rejects all of our paths, all of our meanings. Whenever anyone builds, he or she is always trying to understand and control the physical in the face of death. No wonder bodybuilding is centered around failure.” Kathy Acker, AGAINST ORDINARY LANGUAGE: THE LANGUAGE OF THE BODY
In the essay “Against Ordinary Language: The Language of the Body,” Kathy Acker argues that “the fascination, if not the purpose, of bodybuilding” lies in coming “face to face with chaos, with my own failure.”
It is this question of confronting the body and embracing its limits and boundaries through bodybuilding that led me to engage in a small collaboration with women athletes in this extreme and demanding sport in America. Over a few months, I connected with former and current athletes and photographed them as they embraced their emotions, play, performance, and identity.
The element of performance in photography is also evident in the challenging, extreme sport of bodybuilding.
Days, weeks, months, and years of practice all condensed into a few decisive moments on the stage. And to do that all over again and to challenge the stereotypes of masculinity and femininity requires a certain fortitude and dedication. As a woman, even more so, in a male-dominated field charged with adrenaline, one has to endure ridicule, admiration, infatuation, derision, and love for choosing your body as a vessel to show your power. And despite everything and anything, you keep going. Sometimes all you have is yourself to believe in.
In photography, too, in the end it all comes down to the "decisive" moment (?) and all the moments of uncertainty and despair before that. Sometimes the "decisive" moment is one of joy, at other times one of desire, or fear, and sometimes just a void.
A departure from my earlier works, although still invested in the power of portraits and humanity, I have been photographing athletes in a few places across the US in different stages of their journey, after a show or in the preparation towards one, removed from the glamor of just the stage, but a slice of life in a quieter, slower, and personal setting.
It has been a fascinating and unique experience learning what this sport entails and the passion behind it.
